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Apple Inc. Working On Technology To Access The Brain Of Steve Jobs

By   /  September 9, 2018  /  All, Business  /  No Comments

Apple, the US tech company, are currently working on a top secret project that will see it develop technology to access the brain of Steve Jobs, to ensure it can keep up with the trends of consumers. The project, aptly named ‘Forensic Understanding of Clinical Knowledge, Private Reconciliation Invasion Via Anti Corporate Yielding’ – AKA, […]

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Outrage As Jeff Bezos Orders Entire $106.2bn Fortune To Be Cremated With Him When He Dies

By   /  September 9, 2018  /  All, Business  /  No Comments

Jeff Bezos, owner of Amazon, was recently praised for taking amazon to the $1,000,000,000,000USD mark in terms of value. However, he has come in for some criticism as he has requested that all of his fortune dies along with him when he does. “A number of large corporate CEO’s earn their money, and then decide […]

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LADBible To Rebrand And Change Name To ‘PersonBible’ Following Protests To Be More Inclusive For Women

By   /  September 7, 2018  /  All, Business, Lifestyle  /  No Comments

Popular online media publishing company, LADBible, are to change their name and rebrand to be more inclusive, to those that identify as something other than a man. It comes after protests online and campaigns in the streets of London outside their offices, orchestrated by a rowdy bunch of feminist women, pressuring the company into admitting […]

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Millennials Still Struggling To Come To Grips With The Fact No One Cares About Them

By   /  September 7, 2018  /  All, Business  /  No Comments

In a recent report survey conducted by the Government on millennial employees across 2,000 different UK businesses, one of the main outcomes was that they are all depressed and fed up. “When I was at home, my mum never said no to me. She never told me to do things differently, she never hurt me […]

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Men paid more than women as they don’t waste time worrying about the pay gap

By   /  March 7, 2018  /  All, Business  /  No Comments

  Businesses across the country have come out explaining why they pay men more than women. In a statement that will enrage female activists everywhere, they have told us that men earn more because they spend less time worrying about the pay gap and so get more work done. A leading business owner had this […]

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Banker now lowest pressure career due to government safety net

By   /  March 7, 2018  /  All, Business  /  No Comments

A recent research project has shown that Investment Banker is now the lowest pressure job in the UK. Gone are the days where making a mistake could lead to a shattered economy, plunging stock values and people throwing themselves off buildings. No, thanks to the government safety net issued back in 2008 when these bastards […]

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Bootstrap startup CEO dies after working for 704 hours straight to brag about it in LinkedIn ‘Broem’

By   /  March 4, 2018  /  All, Business  /  No Comments

The CEO of a London based startup has died after working 704 hours straight, all so he could write a lengthy ‘Broem’ on LinkedIn in which his sad network who don’t actually do anything other than sit on LinkedIn all day, could comment on how much better he is than everyone else. The London startup […]

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UK man receives £17.3m following chance email exchange with African prince

By   /  March 3, 2018  /  All, Business  /  No Comments

  In a worldwide first, a UK man has received a payment of £17.3m following a number of emails between him and an African prince, it has emerged. The man, who wishes to remain anonymous following the windfall, cannot believe his luck. “I was checking my emails one day and noticed one from a Prince […]

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